Tag: humor

Candy Disappearing

Candy Disappearing

Candy that I shouldn’t be eating
Is slowly depleting
from the candy jar
that’s not too far
from my hand that inches toward
the candy that I hoard,
one piece at a time
added to those that I’m
already busy digesting
until their final resting.

Vacancy Signs

Vacancy Signs

A couple thousand years a go
There was a pregnant woman, nine months along.
She carried the savior of the world and so
Joseph thought it would be wrong

To stay in a barn all night.
He tried every Inn in sight
In hopes that he might
Find something a little more “right”

Than out in the barn hitting the hay.
Where the animals lay.
But truth is it was fitting the way

Jesus entered the world that night
‘Cause what a horrible sight
It would be if I had to see
Little inn scenes every year
With glowing neon lines
Of vacancy signs.

…But I suppose we should wear those
As we’re staring, preparing the manger scenes
Lining up kings and things.
We should have big old letters across our hearts
Reading “Vacancy” to say that He
Can come in now.

To say, I’ve cleared you a place
My heart now has a space
That you can take and make your own.
Pardon the mess.  I’ve been living alone.

Sometimes I make typos (Video)

Stay tuned (subscribed) to this blog.  I’ll be posting another poetry video by the end of the week.

Sum thyme’s I’m ache Thai pose

Sum thyme’s I’m ache Thai pose
Butt eyes up hose
Hats apart off fusing
Come pewter’s. Whirl oozing

Are ebb ill it he two ought toe
Core hector weed rat her
Ma sheen’s um owe no
how herds chews too gat her

let hers inn us pacific hoarder,
Witch his beater. En dime,
air head squid gills a porter
whose know shaving thyme

Whiff hit snot hunter limed inn read
They’re snow since inn re reed ding
Too Czechs peeling four miss leading
Thinks eye mite half’s ed.

Now CLICK HERE for the easy to read version of this poem

Parental Superpowers: Magic Lips

Parental Superpowers: Magic Lips

If my child has a boo boo
From random sibling violence
I draw that child close
And use these Healing Lips of Silence.

If someone thuds or falls or slips,
Or hits their head upon the table,
The problem’s solved with magic lips
Pre-pursed, ready and able

To stop the crying by release of
A parental magic potion.
A blend of spit and parent love
In super hero motion.

Mid-Calf Tube

Closest Picture I could find to a mid-calf tube.

Mid-Calf Tube

I will only wear the mid-calf tube from this day on.
I will throw out every other sock I own
And I’ll forget them when their gone,
Pretend the mid-calf’s all I’ve known.

The marvelous mid-calf tube, sweet foot pocket,
Blissful blazes of bleached glory
Busting eyes out of the sockets
That look on to this bright story.

The story when we retire all our other socks.
Is this that day, or is this just the buzz we
Chatter about when we talk
So we can dream of that white fuzzy.

That future memory that’s not so distant
If we’re consistently persistent
In our standards for our socks.
When we go out on our walks,

Or go to the grocery store
We shouldn’t have any more
Mismatched temptations
Yielding pairations

Of socks never meant to go together.
Time constraints should not force a pair.
I dream of a day where
It doesn’t matter whether

I have my eyes open or closed
When I go in the sock drawer.
What are we pre-pairing for,
When we could have proposed

The solution long ago.
It’s time to rise up and take action
Join this mid-tube faction
And Throw out every other sock we know.

Rubberized Grip Pen

Rubberized Grip Pen

Don’t you hate when you’re writing and then
Your pen slips out of your hands?
What you need is a rubberized grip on your pen
So each finger understands

That they shouldn’t give in to the slippery friction
That often occurs when you’re writing
Your pen should step up to an elegant diction
And stop this ridiculous fighting

With fingers that keep on impressing their prints
As the whites of each digit turn whiter.
Your fingers are frustrated writing in stints.
You uncramp, then hold your pen tighter.

But stop the madness, there’s no longer a need,
There are new pens on the market to feed
Your hunger for a pen that doesn’t slip.
Go buy yourself one with a rubberized grip.

Avoiding the Death of the Coffee Pot

Avoiding the Death of the Coffee Pot

I look at the coffeepot and know he’s
Purposefully dripping down slowly
But I’m too out of energy to get up
Walk over and steal a cup
From the drips, delightfully hot
Descending into the pot.

I look at him, imagining the worst
What if the coffee pot burst
And I had no caffeine inside of me.
In vein, he would have died for me.
I’d see my friend’s life come to pass
In broken coffee-shards of glass.

I grab a mug down from the shelf
and make a promise to myself
To avoid this tragedy
And grab the pot more carefully
Than I did inside my mind.
Then pour my cup so I’ll unwind.

Messy Passenger Seat

Messy Passenger Seat

Sure I can give you a ride
Just give me a moment to slide
Everything from the front seat to the back
And after I move this crumpled up stack

Of grocery fliers and cold French fries
I’ll give you a moment to realize
That you might be better off
Not sitting in my garbage trough.