Category: humor

Full Moon

Full Moon

I love standing on my porch looking at a full moon
Unless it’s a random naked buffoon
‘Cause then I’d respectfully have to pass
Rather than stare at somebody’s crass.

I like it when moon beams pierce through a cloud
And shine down on us when the sun’s not allowed.
But moon streaks shine down “where the sun don’t”
So I’d rather not look, and I simply won’t.

But often my eyes are drawn to a stare
When they notice my legs are exceedingly bare
‘Cause sometimes I go on my porch unaware
I’m Pants-less participant standing out there.

Candy Disappearing

Candy Disappearing

Candy that I shouldn’t be eating
Is slowly depleting
from the candy jar
that’s not too far
from my hand that inches toward
the candy that I hoard,
one piece at a time
added to those that I’m
already busy digesting
until their final resting.

Christmas Eve Eve

Christmas Eve Eve

It’s Christmas Eve Eve and people are taking off early
Because they know that they will surely
See that perfect gift if they simply sift
Through enough stores and find
A gift that’s not yet come to mind.

That special someone needs something
And maybe commercialism will bring
Some brand new product to light ,
Put a perfect gift in sight.

I’m hoping that’s the case
Or tomorrow’s local race
Will be like the Michigan Mile, derby style.

I’ll be joined by all of those
Fellow citizens that chose
Christmas Eve to go shopping with me,
Risking a Christmas Eve injury.

Wrapping Presents with Eyelids

Wrapping Presents with Eyelids

Whether it’s a box, or a ball
Something big, or something small,
Efficiency and creativity mesh
Inside a small square-inch of flesh.

There’s no need to cut paper in straight lines or fold neatly
When eyelids redefine completely
How easy it is to wrap a gift,
And they simply unwrap with a lift.

There’s no need for excess tape or
Any expensive paper.
It’s really not too spendy
To be this eco friendly.

We should call it going green
Or brown, or blue, I mean
Whatever’s the color or their eyes
When they open their surprise.

You can even double wrap with hands,
If the person understands
That anticipation lingers
When they don’t peak through their fingers.

But Be wary of those views and peek-a-boos
That seek to lose
The surprise that lies
Opposite their eyes.

Parental Superpowers: Magic Lips

Parental Superpowers: Magic Lips

If my child has a boo boo
From random sibling violence
I draw that child close
And use these Healing Lips of Silence.

If someone thuds or falls or slips,
Or hits their head upon the table,
The problem’s solved with magic lips
Pre-pursed, ready and able

To stop the crying by release of
A parental magic potion.
A blend of spit and parent love
In super hero motion.

Mid-Calf Tube

Closest Picture I could find to a mid-calf tube.

Mid-Calf Tube

I will only wear the mid-calf tube from this day on.
I will throw out every other sock I own
And I’ll forget them when their gone,
Pretend the mid-calf’s all I’ve known.

The marvelous mid-calf tube, sweet foot pocket,
Blissful blazes of bleached glory
Busting eyes out of the sockets
That look on to this bright story.

The story when we retire all our other socks.
Is this that day, or is this just the buzz we
Chatter about when we talk
So we can dream of that white fuzzy.

That future memory that’s not so distant
If we’re consistently persistent
In our standards for our socks.
When we go out on our walks,

Or go to the grocery store
We shouldn’t have any more
Mismatched temptations
Yielding pairations

Of socks never meant to go together.
Time constraints should not force a pair.
I dream of a day where
It doesn’t matter whether

I have my eyes open or closed
When I go in the sock drawer.
What are we pre-pairing for,
When we could have proposed

The solution long ago.
It’s time to rise up and take action
Join this mid-tube faction
And Throw out every other sock we know.

Rubberized Grip Pen

Rubberized Grip Pen

Don’t you hate when you’re writing and then
Your pen slips out of your hands?
What you need is a rubberized grip on your pen
So each finger understands

That they shouldn’t give in to the slippery friction
That often occurs when you’re writing
Your pen should step up to an elegant diction
And stop this ridiculous fighting

With fingers that keep on impressing their prints
As the whites of each digit turn whiter.
Your fingers are frustrated writing in stints.
You uncramp, then hold your pen tighter.

But stop the madness, there’s no longer a need,
There are new pens on the market to feed
Your hunger for a pen that doesn’t slip.
Go buy yourself one with a rubberized grip.