Category: 1

Tape for Christmas

Tape for Christmas

I commence with that unsticking adhesive sound,
Grasp the roll and wrap it a round
As my hand slides
Over the sides and guides
The tape on the absolute best path
For my wrapping paper wrath.

This isn’t haphazard precision,
But a conscious decision
Because the box… is empty, your present’s the roll.
Make sure you unwrap with self control.

Challenge to from American Papist

Challenge to from American Papist

American Papist is going for 3000 fans
I guess I should do the same
But currently, the way it stands
More people know his name.
Is much less popular than Tom.
Two thousand eight hundred and sixty nine
Fans of his and most aren’t mine.

Perhaps I’ll hit two hundred one day
But I’m thankful to be, forty one away.

My Wife’s Hero on Garbage Day

My Wife’s Hero on Garbage Day

My wife looked at me sleepily and asked about
Whether or not I had taken the garbage out.
Dripping wet, I went with the short answer instead
Of recalling the last 5 minutes replaying in my head.

The garbage truck comes early on the days I’m running late
But if the cans aren’t at the street, I don’t think that they’ll wait.
So my plaid pajama bottoms, undershirt, and sleepy face,
Together gather garbage and strike a hurried pace

I grab the smell I think’s the worst
And tie the bag of diapers first,
Then grab the kitchen can and tie
That bag as well, so long as I

Think that I can make it down the driveway to the street.
Barefoot, I take the bags and walk on down to meet
The garbage man who’s just arrived to take my trash for me
But the bag of diapers breaks and makes me feel un-neighborly

Rather than complain
I smile in vain
And it starts to rain.

And by rain, I mean it started to pour
As each hand grabbed three or four
Expanding spongey wads of diaper mess
But to answer her question, “yes”.

A Newborn’s Bodily Functions

This video is yesterday’s poem and today’s poem combined. Crazy I know. I’m walking on the wild side.

A Newborn’s Bodily Functions

When my son nurses he’s often slurping
loudly and that’s totally okay.
We’ll pat him on the back to get him burping
And when he spits up, then we‘ll say,

“Good job, nice burp, way to work it out!”
And we say something similar if we hear him fart.
But I know that soon enough, without a doubt
The cuteness of bodily functions will depart.

Stuck in a Stare

Stuck in a Stare

Okay … Alright… almost… wait for it… There.
Sorry, I was stuck inside of a stare.

You know you can wait for it, right?
You can give in to your stare and not fight
The urge to see a fixed point on the wall
While a friend sends an end snapping stopping call

“hey …hey.” They say as if their snapping wasn’t heard
and somehow they’d pierce your ears with spoken word.
As if their snapping was left to be defined
And you’d only understand if it could be combined

With a “hey… hey…” which of course translates to
“you have something far more important to do,
like look at me and what I’m doing,
Instead of your endless pursuing

Of a fixed point that’s somewhere on the wall.”
This person has sadly never felt the call.