Joseph’s Rosary
What if Joseph prayed the rosary,
Asked his wife to “pray for me”,
Act as an interceder,
Would we call him a wife-beader?
Tag: humor
Teething Techniques
Teething Techniques
I’m testing out a circumstance we
haven’t tried so if by chance he
hushes up then I can be
inside a moment quietly.
Right now he’s in the jumper,
But he’s looking for his thumb or
Something else to chew upon
Until the teething phase is gone.
So I’ve rigged up rings within his reach
But still, I don’t know how to teach
Him place your mouth around the rings
So I’ll enjoy the calm it brings.
Impatiently Baking Bread
Impatiently Baking Bread
17 seconds that make me wait instead
of pulling out the freshly baking bread
that looks as ready as when the timer beeps
but someone long before me insists that it keeps
on baking until the timer finally beeps
and leaves me with a 40 minute loaf of bread
I wish was 39, 43 instead.
A Quick Clothing Check as We Sit, Stand, and Kneel
A Quick Clothing Check as We Sit, Stand, and Kneel.
Like a good catholic, I sit in the back with
My eyes on the whole congregation.
We modesty check for an odd to see speck
Of skin that distracts concentration.
As sure as I am there’s the sign of the cross,
There are rows of people that check for the loss
Of backsided coverage from clothing scrunched up
Or a skirt that gets straightened from being bunched up.
There’s that guy with his pants that he lifts past his belly
By ringing his thumb round his belt, you can tell he
Has done this for ages, this unsubtle move.
I call it a prayer, this pantaloon groove.
Some may pick wedgies out from their behind,
While I sit behind out of sight out of mind
Some do a shirt-flap and let their shirt hover
Before landing in for a straightened, butt cover.
Sometimes it is simply the swipe of the hand
A motion that all of us now understand
Results from the praise that our bodies reveal,
A quick clothing check as we sit, stand and kneel.
Here, Smell This
Here, Smell This
I’ll never wish that I had
More of that nasal embrace
When “Wow this smells bad”
Precedes an object in my face.
I’d prefer to simply ignore it
Rather than have you deplore it.
Can I live my life in doubt
Of the horrible smell you point out?
One hundred percent of people mentioned in statistics are not numbers.
One hundred percent of people mentioned in statistics are not numbers.
I wouldn’t put total reliance
Into statistical science.
Behind the numbers lie
People who slumber by
With out knowing where they fall
In a graph or a spread sheet.
When numbers start to sprawl,
Where do stats and people meet?
Catholic Pickup Lines
Catholic Pickup Lines
Didn’t I see you at World Youth Day?
How about you, me, and a Passion Play?
I always kiss on the lips at the sign of peace.
After shaking hands, we’re supposed to release?
I think the iris’s in your eyes,
Remind me of the little flower.
It only took me 22 tries
Before I found your holy hour.
I need a partner for my marriage prep class,
And since you distract me at mass,
We could get married and stop stalling?
Was my message on your phone your calling?
Wanna call it the March for Wife,
Start a family and be pro-life?
Should I genuflect or stand in line,
‘Cause girl, you look absolutely divine.
Do you have the gift of interpretation?
Or can I whisper sweet nothings in your ear?
Lets start a up a good conversation
Holding theology of your body near.
Was I knocked out by your beauty or slain in the spirit?
I hear you’ve got the gift of tongues, want to share?
I didn’t know my pilgrimage stopped here it’s
Great though to be stuck inside your stare.
We’ll go out after a decade or two
But lets not rush, lets pray this moment lingers.
I forgot my rosary, can I share with you?
You forgot yours? Lets use my fingers.
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From Baby
From Baby
Don’t listen to my voice, ‘cause I can’t speak
I’m in amniotic fluid upside down.
I know that if I kick mom here, she’ll leak
I’ll wait though, till we’re driving through downtown.
Stuck in a Stare: Part 2
Stuck in a Stare: Part 2
Even if there’s something in me that doesn’t love a wall,
There’s something deep inside that wants to stare and stall,
To take a moment and reflect
Superficially dissect
With a visual incision,
Whatever’s in my vision.
It’s a calling that one has at a particular time and place
And although it makes no sense, you can erase
Your thoughts of the rest of the world
And let your body be hurled
Into some sort of stand-by mode
Released by a secret code
Or prematurely quite abruptly
If you choose to interrupt me.
I’ll hold nothing personal against you
If you steal my introverted view,
But why choose it so I lose it,
Why not choose to use it?
Why would you take my view just to take it,
Take my stare in your hands and break it?
People in our culture don’t get it
If a stare must continue, then let it.
There is no rule that says otherwise
So take a moment to finish with your eyes
Before returning to the tasks you have at hand,
By doing so, you’ll come to understand
Why someone sits and sticks inside a stare
And why you should let them have a moment there,
Enjoying this spectator sport
Even if it has to be cut short.
Throwing Out Memories
Throwing Out Memories
My kids are both big garbage fans
And like their favorite garbage men
They got to move the garbage cans.
Creating a remember-when
My kids took up the garbage cans that night.
And I’m sure this will become somewhat less cute
When they’re older and their chores become a fight
But tonight I let their smiles leave me mute.
BonjourPoetry 